Day 1000

Well it’s here. Today is literally the 1000th day into this process. We’ve submitted to another grant and are waiting on a document that we need to file for a court date. It’s been a pretty gloomy day, but we did receive some fresh video footage this past week. Let’s just say it was cuteness overload. I’ve seen some pretty adorable videos lately, I’m talking puppies and piglets level stuff here, and this group of kids trumps them every time. And you guys… this time, I know what he’s saying! Toddler-speak is brutal, my friend, brutal.

So let’s just analyze this photo right here. I’d like to say that it’s obvious which of these precious little people belong to us, but let’s just go through some process of elimination.  The feet on the far right obviously belong to a girl, because pink & bows. Totally a girl. Our middle child here is a stumper because of the pants, but those brown sandals are containing boy feet. But no worries, because my child cannot withhold his excitement and giggles (about what I wonder), therefore has Flash feet and is blurred with motion.
I’d like to be able to tell you that his feet are the cutest part of this photo, but I just can’t lie to you. His face would melt your heart in this one.

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The adoption education for the week: some etiquette if you will.
The more you’re involved in something, the more people you meet who are also involved in that something. And the more people I meet who have adopted, been adopted, or know someone else who fall into those two categories, the more it becomes apparent that each process is equally messed up. I’ve yet to meet a family where they just breezed right through without any issues. I’ve also yet to meet a family where the first set up was what they ended with. For us, that was the first country and first agency. Some may have only minor changes. But for many others it looks more like first matched child. Regardless of what it was that changed, just know that each change costs money, time, and so much energy. Also, none of these children’s firsts worked out either. They win. Hugs are good all around.
A vast majority of the people who adopt children without any biological kiddos at home is because of infertility (which is okay). So much so that it’s widely assumed by everyone. EVERYONE. (which is not okay). Asking an adopting family if they are adopting only because they can’t physically give birth to any is like the equivalent of asking a women if she is pregnant, only exponentially more rude and just hurtful really. If that is, in fact, the reason as to what brought them to adoption, you’ve just asked these people to share some of their greatest pain with you in the middle of the Target aisle. If you knew that you were actually asking them about their miscarriages, would you still ask? No, you wouldn’t, but that’s what you could really be asking without knowing. If the family had other reasons to choose adoption, then great, you’ve dodged a land-mine, but you’ve also been marked as ignorantly insensitive. Not really a win either. Even if you had the most incredibly pure intentions and were interested in adoption as well, this question literally has zero baring on any adoption process information.
To be honest, this is really a 3rd date type of question only. And only if your looking for some personal guidance in your own situation and are hopeful to have found someone who has walked the path before you. Because us girls will do anything in the name of solidarity.

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
―Maya Angelou

-S

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