I must admit that I am ashamed at my recent level of appreciation for my Lord. With all this wedding planning going on, medical trips to put my jaw back in place, and my multiple (resurfacing) family issues, I have started to notice a decline in the joy that I receive from knowing the Father. But in my pain and angst, He has brought me to a place of such awe and disbelief of His glory that I feel that I have surpassed my spiritual state prior to all this emotional wretchedness.
From all the inner turmoil that had been, which is beginning to seem unending, instilled within me from my family, I began to look towards my friends. Unfortunately, at that time, I became hard pressed to find a one in which, for just a moment, didn’t need advice with their own issues. Who wasn’t looking to me for guidance or prayer. I needed someone to be there for me and I was at a loss. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love helping people. I love seeing how God works in my friends’ lives- and you can never really know how much He really did unless you know all of what really happened. And my joy is even greater still if He chose me to carry His message, His word. If you haven’t experienced that type of blessing, I suggest that you pray that you will before to leave this world, because to this day I haven’t found a thing that can compare to seeing God’s handiwork come through you, and most of the time you have no idea that He did until after it’s all complete. Anyway… I have been praying through this whole engagement that God would bring me the peace “which passeth all understanding”, and I think I am on my way to finding that peace.
In all honesty, this week has been terribly horrid. And that in itself is a major understatement. But when I was looking the most for the love of God in his people, in my time of greatest need, there it was. Out of nowhere (quite literally, I was floored when this happened), I get a call from a friend who’s practically going to ease my mind. She just picked up all this stuff and is dealing with it. It’s just, ….I am still speechless. Another friend has decided to give an incredible gift that I can’t even fathom accepting… however we’re practically identical so I am well aware that in the end she will win, even if I think I did for a while… she’ll still win. And yet a third friend, who, well quite honestly her love language is service so it just comes more natural to her, but still, I can’t express how proud of her I am as to how well she’s managed a lot of changes these past few months- she has found the time and energy to help in all this- she just told me last night, “Oh hey, by the way, I’m helping with this, so what to do think if we did it ‘this way'”. At this point my spiritual self feels as though my jaw is hanging so open that it’ll dislocate itself. I have no words to truly depict the love and charity that my friends have chosen to show me.
And so to deal with this roller coaster of emotions- all I have left in me is to just sit and breathe, for His grace truly is sufficient.
“And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before” Job 42:10