Love and Faith

Yesterday started the 100 day count down to the Big Day. So, in 99 days I will become Mrs. Whittaker (I can’t help but think ‘teacher’ when I hear that name. Maybe it’ll eventually mean ‘architect’ too). It seems almost surreal to think that it’s actually happening. Almost. But in all this wedding hub-bub, school prep, and gas-guzzling thing I call life, I find that I have peace. Yes, things are stressful and I haven’t quite managed to see the brightly gleaming light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there just yet, but at the end of the day I can’t help but smile. God has blessed me with an amazing life. I’m getting married! God guided me to an amazing boy who I had the opportunity to grow up with, to learn with, to love. After accepting his offer of salvation I would have to say that taking that opportunity would have to be the best choice I ever made. AND (uh! I love that there’s an ‘and’) his family is amazing. I knew, years ago, that if Daryn and I, for some reason, didn’t work, that I would still keep in touch with his family. They have become my family, and I am overwhelmingly grateful for all that they have done. 

A while back, a dear friend of mine shared a philosophy of theirs withme. They feel that all God ever does withhis children is offer them opportunities, thus in being a child of God you have an unimaginable amount of potential. If you pray for patience or wisdom, He’s not going to just bestow it upon you. He’s going to give you an opportunity to become more patient, to expound upon what wisdom you have, if any (let’s face it, only a percentage of people truly have knowledge and a minute amount of them actually have wisdom, so don’t feel offended- I’m probably right there with ya ;). But this opportunity thing doesn’t just apply to qualites. Over time and alotof thought and study and observation, I’ve come to agree with my friend and to see that when one takes the opportunities that God has given them, they are able to be at peace in God’s Will. 

My most recent mini-revelation deals with looking back on how I got to my ”soon-to-be-Whittaker” state. This whole opportunity thing starts withprayer, a desire to be within God’s Will and heart, however, at the time I met Daryn I wasn’t saved. I didn’t even go to church- so clearly I wasn’t the one praying that God would lead and guide me to the man of my dreams. And at that particular time, Daryn wasn’t really all that spiritual. He was dealing with alotof internal warfare about how a kid his age should act, what to do with all these “do I have what it takes?” dilemas. About what to do withthe impending doom that was sure to follow if he dared to venture into the realm of girls. Of dealing withhis older brother (whom we both love dearly) who, frankly, did a number on his self-esteem. So being in 7thgrade, neither of us were actually doing what was best for us, praying. After some deduction, I can only conclude that this had to come from his mother, maybe with some help from our youth pastor, lol. But, anywho, God didn’t answer those prayers for Daryn’s future with me sitting on his doorstep one day, He gave us the opportunity of a lifetime- though disguised as a pre-high school crush. That same relationship is still an opportunity. It can end at any moment, up until November 1st around 2. At that point it becomes a promise, a commitment, a vow. Many say it’s a contract, but I disagree. It’s more than that. A contract doesn’t have every part of your being involved, your heart isn’t all wrapped up in it. If a contract is broken, you lose money, maybe a friend. If a vow is broken, there’s so much more at stake. So Thank You God for giving me this opportunity to follow Your plan. Thank You for giving me peace in it.

Life, so I have found, is an interesting thing. I know this may come to no surprise to you but nonetheless it always amazes me. It is what you make of it- completely! Or so you would think. One day you’ll be chuggin’ along in your routine and suddenly, as so it seems, God puts this quite awkward thing in the middle of your path. The option to ignore it is not there, you can’t stop living- and there are no visible choices of going around it. You must go through it. This is where faith steps in for me. Most of the time I like all of my ‘i’s to be dotted and my ‘t’s crossed, so when left standing in front of something completely unknown I feel like I should be checking my shoelaces, making sure I’m dressed properly, do I have extra batteries? I want to be prepared for anything. Now, I’m not sure as to how God looks at all my little habits and precautionary standards- I would like to think that He finds it humoring, I sure do sometimes. But in the end, the best thing that I can do to be ready is to study the Word, pray, and have faith. The last being the most important for me- Have you ever noticed how when you go for the things that are the hardest for you, I mean fall into it totally dependant on God, you always get a better result?

 So in the lives that we lead, despite all the ’How to better yourself’ books and talk show series, the best thing to do is to just take a deep breathe and step out on faith

Why is it that in certain situations us humans tend to blame someone else, yet at other times, we blame ourselves? We try to teach our youth (and even adults) that you must take responsibility for our actions though we all know how difficult that can be. However, there are significant moments where we feel that we are not only to blame, but that we are the only ones to blame. For instance, children with divorced parents have terrible times feeling that it’s their fault, that their parents somehow don’t love eachother any more because of something they did.  And from an outside perspective, or that of a parent, we are certain that that is not true. And despite constant confirmation, it’s still an issue for the child. I am blogging on this topic because I too have this overwhelming feeling of self blame. Though my parents are not getting divorced right now, I have this feeling of complete failure. For some strange reason kids look up to me- I haven’t figured out if it’s because they think I’m fun or what, but they do. And I use the term ‘kid’ loosely, in the sense that if you’re younger than me I might call you kid– But there have been several people who look at me as an older sybling of sorts. Despite my advice and prayer and discussion a few of them have traveled down the wrong path. And I know that we all make mistakes, we all sin, it’s inevitable, though we still strive to make it not so- but what do you do when someone who looks up to you travels down a path that you yourself have not taken? A path that you have discussed with them the dangers that lay waiting down that dark road. One where they at one time didn’t want to go and now… they find themselves trying to find the way back to the trail lit with the faith they had/have in Jesus. I know peer pressure is the main cause for teens or anyone to do something against reason, desire, or teachings. I know that once they have already traveled a path, actually been there, that all I can do is pray and be a friend. But why can’t I help but feel that if I would have said something stronger, or been more in tune with them, or maybe even tried to hang out with them that extra weekend… things would have been different. I know that you can’t live your life in regrets. A close friend of mine refuses to regret anything, but I feel that in all things there is to be a balance. In the midst of writing this blog I’ve come to realize that this is something parents must do everyday.  Not only are younger people looking up to them and learning from them and making mistakes, but these aren’t just any people, these are people that came from you, people that are of you. Hopefully I will be able to handle this problem of pointing the finger at myself in these times before I have children of my own.

Why is that that people can’t get by each others differences. Both young and old become rude and sometimes indignant at the simple fact that their skin is a different color from others, or most often that the other person’s skin isn’t the same as theirs- it sounds like the same, but believe me, those are two completely different mindsets. The constant racist comments, from both sides mind you, end up causing problems beyond the imagination. In all honestly, no, Caucasian people do not, for the most part, understand what it’s like to be in slavery- but at the same time the ones that you live with in today’s society didn’t partake in it either, and they can’t be held accountable for their ancestors actions, and even if they were then you would have to acknowledge the fact that somewhere in there a white person had to be an abolitionist to make it happen- some white dude had to sign some document enabling desegregation. And I am aware that it isn’t the whole of our darker counterparts just as it isn’t the whole of whites who say things that are inappropriate. (I’m going to say African American or black- if you become offended because you’re not from Africa or you feel its derogatory, I apologize but I’ll use whatever it is that you prefer when the group as a whole can make up their mind. I mean nothing in disrespect, I’m just tired on stepping on someones toes no matter what I use. It’s simply an associative term in my opinion). Moving on… Also, why is it okay for our youth- the youth not more than a generation or two away from those who actually, first-hand, fought for equal rights- finds humor in these racist comments that cause so much strife. Or why do they have to label an activity as strictly White or Mexican or Black. It’s true, blacks, as a culture, are good at sports (specifically those of contact) and dancing and singing. But not all of them are. Just as Hispanics are diligent workers. And that’s not a bad thing. They were raised, culturally, to be hard workers and to be proud of what they do- if more whites and blacks were like that, things would be a lot better- but not all Mexicans are like that either. And all I hear from other cultures/races is that the white people take over everything- and to be honest, they tend to do that- but there isn’t a whole lot of others to compete. And I understand that there are still people out there in Americia that are racist and act accordingly in their business and service and whatnot, and shouldn’t be. But those people aren’t holding your future in their hands- they just closed of that particular door way; Do you really think that God is going to make your life miserable just because of this one guy- God is not racist and if you say otherwise, I advise that you simply don’t speak around me- because that’s just nonsense. Now, from what I understand about 80-90% of the black community will be in an uproar if they were to read my brief comment here if nothing more than I’m a white girl having a say about the African American community. But for those who may read- I am a part of a joyous Christian sorority where I am part of the small 1% of Caucasian girls- the remaining ladies are black. And I love each and every single one of them to death- it must be a miracle that we all act like sisters- who would have ever imagined…

All my life I’ve been told to slow down a bit, to work with what I have in front of me, that I’ve got too much on my plate- but for some reason, it’s what I do. That’s not to say that I can’t change, because I am fully able to alter my lifestyle. The problem is that I tend to gravitate towards at least 50 million different groups or organizations or such ever semester that add up the hours of lost sleep. But it keeps me going. It keeps my schedule tight, if I stand still for too long, and I know that I have an extended period of time, more often than not I become lacking in productivity. Though I do get good use out of my movies in those times. Though the added stress of feeling like I don’t have time to eat or only getting gas because I’ll never make it to my next destination despite the fact that I don’t have the time to spare- yes that heightened anxiety of racing against time- that stress and I seem to have a good thing going. I can never end my day and say that I didn’t do at least something, though rarely do I get everything crossed off my list. But every year it seems that there is something else, small, but yet something more to pile onto the towering list of things to do. I realized the vast amount of ”responsibilities” when I made out my To Do List for this week alone, which adds up to over 110 things, all to be done by next Saturday. And I promise you, somehow they’ll get done, yet still I’ll get sleep and food and get to work on time, and go to all of my classes and what not. It’s literally a miracle. Sometimes it’s like God himself has frozen time- though it sounds a bit pompous of me to say that He did it for me to get my stuff done- but it really does. Maybe one day I’ll pass out from the simple fact that I’m not the energizer bunny and I can’t just keep on going, but until then, I think I’ll work with what I have for now (until something else comes up ;)) and pray that God helps me through things and shows me what it really is that He wants me to do, or not do. This all might sound a bit odd to you, or it might relate completely. Either way, thanks for reading .

Hello all, considering this is my first blogging page and the reasons behind me not having one until now, I think I’ll keep this to what my blogs are all about. They are simply my opinions. Please remember this while you are reading them. I do not say things in an attempt to irritate, frustrate, or eradicate your views and/or beliefs. In the instance that you would disagree with me on any subject strongly enough that you feel like you must comment, please do, but with maturity and strictly for the sake of debate; my blog is not a place for vacuous arguments. Also, I would truly appreciate that your word choices were appropriate and not vulgar. Thanks all!  I’ll blog later.